Unsolicited relationship advice from someone who's probably heard itall.

09:12Mia Durano

This will be one of the few times I'm going to write about relationships. Not because I'm against them. I'm all for flowers, romance, dates and wine (especially wine). But cause being not being in one and writing about it, gives people the space to judge me as bitter, and resentful.

I read 2 pieces on the internet once, they were called “ How to get married in less than a year” and “This is why you're single” . My blood boiled at the sight of the titles. But I read them anyways…

Who ever wrote “This is why your single” needs to discover a stronger drink and maybe a sharp hit of reality. Two of the reasons the writer stated was “because you're picky” and “because you're a b*tch”. Oh yes, because you're supposed to just let things come into your life without due thought and scrutiny. Be easy, stoop down low. With those two reasons, it should've just been called “How to lower your standards…and how low can you go?”

Why do we teach women that marriage is the end goal? Why is it so hard wired into our brains? That getting married and being with someone is IT. When there are so many more things we can celebrate? More women are climbing the corporate ladder, more women graduate from college and Beyonce makes more money than Kanye.

Can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to be in a relationship. You don't have to aspire to a wedding in a fat dress. (If I wanted to wear a pretty dress, I'd go to a party. Or put one on and have a huge glass of wine. Because I can)

I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re sleeping  with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone. You aren't happy.

But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. There are friendships that I treasure more than I will a romantic relationship. Friends who have insights into my soul that I can't share with anyone else. And there are couples who swear it’s forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore.

I have heard so often “nobody loves me” or “it would be better if I were with…”
out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: what about friends and family. The respond with: yeah they love me of course, but that's nothing. Of course it's something! In fact it's everything!  love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing - not even a date or a 15 second reply - out of you?

It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to be with a friend and chat ceaselessly for hours. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning. It's beautiful to be there for a friend who needs you.

The #relationshipgoals on the Internet don't have to be your goals.

The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.


And to all my girls out there, do what you want. Celebrate being you.


(Partial use of a monologue that originally appeared on The Artidote) 

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