by - 22:48

Veering off my usual topics and trying something a little closer to the core. What late nights and a wandering mind does to me.

I always try and sprinkle a lot of optimism in my work since I’ve always believed that the most tragic things teach us more than the most perfect. I think that, at any given point, we are faced with the choice of whether to move on with what the universe gives and takes or to hold on and wallow in our own misery. How do I know this? Because I have been there, and I know what it’s like. I also know that there are things out there that will ruin you faster than a broken heart. What I’m sharing here is that, while I was trying to come out of that small miserable hole, I realized something; that it will always pay to be a little more realistic than optimistic.

When someone loves you, you will know it. If someone cares about you, they will find a way to be with you. If they do not, they’ll make excuses. Sometimes they won’t even be 100% on whether or not they really do love you, so you’ll see them going back and forth trying to figure it out. Love is not something that requires a lot of thought. It just simply is, and we just have to let it be, or not be, naturally.

I know everyone’s experiences are different, and no two stories are the same, so it’s not easy for me to generalize love and romance, but I like to make an exception for this. I know many of you who are reading this, are coming up with all the reasons why so-and-so did in fact love you but they just couldn’t be with you for this reason or that reason and why that was so valid and why I don’t know what I’m saying and I should quit right here. That’s okay if you want to think that, I won’t stop you. But really, all that says is that what you’re holding onto is someone who doesn’t love you enough to put you first and make it work. And if I believe in anything, I believe that we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us as well.

Sometimes our perspectives get a little skewed when we’re too close to a situation- we start to think negatively of something that was honest in its intent. This is the part I dislike the most. It’s from this skewed view of things that brings fights, arguments and literally 4 hour long text battles. It takes time to realise it too, that you’re poisoning what is left of either of you. Take yourself out of the situation and understand that at the rates things are going- there will be nothing left to recover. 

So what we have to learn to do is to accept the love we aren’t given, that there are questions we will never have answers to, or people we might never talk to again. To realize that although we put someone up there, value someone that way, that does not mean that their judgment defines us. It’s simply a mindset, one that we have to alter if we want to get out. People can love you a little bit, and they can love you enough, but not enough to make it work. It is not an all-or-nothing situation. We have to stop thinking that it is. When it doesn’t work, it didn’t work because something was not right. Not because some part of you is unlovable or broken.  Instead, in contrast, why not hold on as fiercely as we can to the reasons we are loved and worth loving, until letting go is our idea– not theirs.

But we all end up, one way or another, okay. We’re different stories, different books, but they all end with the same thought. That you do not need somebody else’s love to be whole. You do not need their permission to go on with your life. It should never be that we are incomplete without the other- but that our partners are welcome additions to our light. What you do need is your own love. You need to let yourself live and go on. Their love isn’t stopping you, because that love doesn’t exist, it’s no longer real. It is only you who is holding onto that version of “reality” And what you will realize, sooner or later, is that most of your life is defined by what you choose to believe should or shouldn’t be. Release yourself from the cage you built. You’ve got the key, you’re just not using it.

It’s going to be okay. 

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